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Chapter 10

"I got your page. What is it?"

"Take a listen Dr. Hayward." The doctor told David, handing him his stethoscope. "She's been throwing PVC's for the last twenty minutes. Labored breath sounds."

"Its' good you called me."

"Well you asked to be a cardio consult. And we don't have a pediatric cardiologist on staff."

"Set up for a Pericardiocentesis. 18 gauge needle on a syringe. Is she still being sedated?"

"Yes Dr. Hayward, and here are the chest films."

"Yes, right there. Pericardial effusion." He said pointing a white spot on the films. "I'll remove the fluid and then we'll monitor her heart and get an EKG."

"I'll order the tests now. This little girl has been through so much already. I don't know how much more she can handle." The doctor said, looking at the little girls' limp body.

"She's done all of the suffering she going to do from now on. I'm going to make sure of it." David said, looking at the little girl after finishing the procedure.

Did he really just leave me? Again? She thought to herself. Rationally she knew that something was wrong and that someone needed his help. But the emotional part of her asked why he would leave when there was something wrong with her, him, them. They were hurting, and together they could make the pain go away. But him leaving her to rush to someone else's aid made her angrier than she should have been. She really felt as though she could care less if he ever came back home. He didn't care about her and now she didn't care about him. He could spend all the time he wanted in that hospital. He could live there forever if he wanted.

"The latest test results show an improvement in her condition. I'm going to stop the sedation tomorrow."

"That's good. What kind of prognosis do you give her?" David asked.

"It looks really good, but we won't know until she wakes up and we can complete the rest of the neurological tests.”   

“Well I’ll let you know when she wakes up.”

“Does that mean you’ll be staying here again tonight?”

“Most likely. Have you found any other relatives yet? Anyone that can be with her and take her home when she’s ready to be released?”

“We’ve tried every contact number we could find. So far no relatives seem to even exist. It was just this girl and her mom. Now it’s just her.”

“Not tonight it’s not.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like this Dr. Hayward. And from what I’ve heard, no one else has either.”

“Well you don’t know me, so I guess you wouldn’t know what I’m like. And I don’t like it when people use what they hear about a person to judge their character. If I did that, I’d think every Martin were a saint. Now I’m going to go call my wife, I’d appreciate it if you’d tend to other patients before I come back.”

“I understand I was out of line with that comment, but Dr. Hayward I didn’t mean to come off as a prick. I just meant that you seem a lot more genuine and caring than so of the employees give you credit for.”

“Thank you Dr. Hanna, but I’ve always taken my patients well being into consideration. I’m sorry if I came off as an asshole lashing out at you. My wife and I have been under a great deal of stress and then I lost this girl’s mother. It’s just what I took as a very personal attack was amplified by that.”

“No problem. I’ll remember to choose my words wisely next time.”

“Now I’m going to go call my wife now. Doctor.” He walked to the nurses’ station and picked up the phone. He dialed the number he knew by heart. It rang until the answering machine picked up. “Erica, it’s me David. It looks like I’ll be staying overnight. The little girl, Danielle, she developed a heart condition and I have to monitor her recovery. I’m sorry about leaving you. If you want to talk or anything just call the hospital, extension 334. I love you and”

“End of message.” He heard from the answering machine. Did he do something wrong by rushing to the aid of this little girl? She understood didn’t she? It might have taken Erica a little while to come to terms with his running off at all hours, but he thought she had accepted that it was what he did. It didn’t really matter right now. He had just saved Danielle’s life and any wrath Erica would throw at him didn’t compare to that.

Erica, it’s me David. It looks like I’ll be staying overnight. The little girl, Danielle, she developed a heart condition and I have to monitor her recovery. I’m sorry about leaving you. If you want to talk or anything just call the hospital, extension 334. I love you and “End of message.” The machine said after playing the recorded message. “It’s just great that you took some time to acknowledge my existence David.” She said under her breath. He’s taking the Dr. David Hayward world renowned cardiologist just a little too seriously she thought. Maybe I’ll just go out, see if he likes me not being around either. She grabbed her keys and purse and walked out the door. Where she was going, she didn’t have a clue. But she was determined to show him that she could be doing something other than sitting, waiting for him.

Chapter 11

She drove around for nearly an hour. Just driving randomly around Pine Valley, until she ended up at the last place she thought she would, Pine Valley Hospital. Why the hell was she here? This was the one place she didn’t want to be or even see. This was where HE was. She didn’t even want to think about him right now, let alone be where he was. The only problem was that she couldn’t bring herself to leave. Instead she got out of the car and went in. She walked the halls, avoiding the floor she knew David’s office was on.  The only problem with that was that he was with Danielle. The PICU was on the floor she was currently on. She had no idea that she was roaming the same floor that David was on.

He sat looking over her chart. Checking and rechecking all of the lab results and the girls’ vitals. Things looked good but he couldn’t convince himself that she was going to be okay. Maybe physically, but the girl will never be the same. She’s old enough to know her mother and she would never see her again. She would probably end up in foster care and grow up in the system. At least for now she would be here, and he was here.  She would heal and then maybe he could find her a home. 

She walked down almost every hall on the 5^th floor. Every one except for the one that ran by the PICU, that one was right in front of her. She was actually hoping she might have run into David. Whether she would yell at him or hug him, she didn’t know. Above the next door frame she read PICU. She’d heard the word before but she couldn’t remember what it was. It wasn’t until she came up to the first window and saw a few beds with small children in them. That’s when it hit her, what PICU stood for. She didn’t want to be here. It did nothing but make her more sad and upset than she already was. She went to turn around when she caught a glimpse of a man in a white coat. Now normally a white coat wouldn’t catch her eye. She was married to someone that wore one. She knew plenty of doctors. But she definitely knew that one. It was her husband. David was sitting in a chair next to what looked to be a crib.

He was still sitting next to Danielle, but he also was accompanied by a book, a children’s book to be specific. One of the pediatrics nurses brought one by.  He thought it would pass the time and maybe let Dani, as he affectionately now called her, feel that someone was there for her. “Goodnight Moon.” He read the title of the book. “I’ve never read this book Dani, but the nurse told me all of the kids in here love it.” He said opening up the book and turning through the pages until the first page of the story.

What is he doing? She thought as she saw him holding something. He was just hanging around here in the hospital when he could have come home to her. He wasn’t even working today. She would never have spent a day at Enchantment on her day off if David was home with her. Why would he sit around here? Especially after he only spent a few hours at home after an almost 2 day shift.  She moved further to the left so that she could see the crib. Only she couldn’t see who or what was in there. There were machines and blankets in the way. A nurse was passing by when she was about to leave, but she was too curious not to ask about it. “Excuse me, nurse?”

“May I help you?” The nurse said turning to look up at the woman talking to her. “Ms. Kane?”

“Who is Dr. Hayward sitting with?” She asked, hoping the nurse had no idea they were married.

“A little girl named Danielle Cooper. It’s a very sad story. Poor little girl was injured in a car accident and her mother, Dr. Haywards’ patient was killed. It was her only family and Dr. Hayward has been spending so much time with the little girl. Even saved her life today. He is such an amazing doctor, person and man. He’s not bad on the eyes either. I think he’s married though. Such a shame. ” The nurse rambled on, and obviously had the hots for her husband. I should slap that woman and tell her that he’s sleeping in my bed at night. How did she not know that she was married to David? She recognized me, how could she not know that? “I hear that from quite a few nurses around here. I’ve always found Dr. Hayward to be a very self absorbed person and egotistical man, although he is the best at what he does.”

“Well whatever you’ve heard, I’ve seen him with that little girl. It’s more than I’ve seen with the doctors here in the PICU. He has an attachment to her. Did you need him paged?”

“No, that’s okay. I’ll call his office later. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome Ms. Kane.” The nurse said before continuing down the hall. She had had such a mix of emotions when she arrived at the hospital but now she couldn’t stop thinking about the kind of man he people told her he was. She knew it more than anyone else, but sometimes her brain distracted her from that fact. He had told her that he was devastated by the diagnosis Dr. Scott had given them and she refused to believe he cared. But him sitting, reading to a little girl? This was something she knew that man was capable of. It was his way of coping. She hated the way she acted towards him earlier in the day. She wouldn’t be surprised if he stayed here as much as possible. He shouldn’t have to put up with belittling his feelings. She told herself she would make it up to him and she took one last look at the man she loved with all her heart before leaving to start fixing what might have been broken.

“That’s the end Dani. Maybe I’ll read you another tomorrow when you wake up and I’ll show you the pictures this time.” He said smiling and closing the book. It was then he felt something. Something that made him turn around and look out into the hall. He saw a glimpse of the back of a woman. A woman that looked like someone he knew. Erica.    

Chapter 12

“Erica?” He said aloud at the figure that had just disappeared out in the hallway. “I’ll be right back.” He said to a sleeping Danielle. He got up and walked out into the hallway, looking both ways. He saw the elevator doors down the hall closing. If he hurried he could make it down each flight of stairs and see if she got off at any of the lower floors. He thought about whether it was actually her or not.  If it wasn’t he would just look like a fool running down the stairs. But if it was her, there had to have been a reason she left without even letting him know she was there. He decided he should find out, no matter how he looked to any of the staff or visitors. He took for the stairwell door, and down one flight, peeking through the glass of the door. No sign of anyone on that floor, so he continued down.  Just a nurse on the next floor. He goes down another floor, and there she is. Stepping off of the elevator and heading for the visitors entrance. He opens the stairwell door and walks quickly instead of running so that he doesn’t draw too much attention. “Erica.” He says once. “Erica.” He repeats and this time she turns around, knowing that he knew she heard him.

“David?” She half asked, half said.

“I saw you upstairs in Pediatrics.”

“Oh yes, I was up there.”

“Were you looking for me? Why didn’t you have one of the nurses come get me?”

“You looked like you were busy. I didn’t want to interrupt you with your patients.”

“You know I always have time for you. I wasn’t really working anyway.”

“That was the little girl you were telling me about, wasn’t it?”

“Yes, I was sitting with Danielle.”

“And reading to her.”

“How long were you watching?”

“Long enough for a nurse to tell me how amazing you are and how you saved the girls’ life.” She said getting a little heated after remembering the nurses’ words.

“I was just doing my job.”

“That’s not how this nurse described it. How was it? Oh, he’s such an amazing doctor, person and man.” She said rolling her eyes.

 “I’m glad the nurses have a high regard for me, but I assure you it wasn’t a miracle. I just did what I was trained to do, although it’s not quite the same on a child so young.  That’s what Pediatric Cardiologists are for. We don’t have one on staff here so I consulted on the case.”

“I do agree with her. You are amazing.” She said a smile creeping onto her face.

“You’re right, I am.” He said with a wink.

“The nurse said you saved her. Is she going to be okay?”

“The neurologist says everything looks good and her heart seems to be working fine now.”

“Well that’s good. I’m glad she’s going to be okay.”

“You want to come back up there with me?”

“Oh David, she’s a patient. I don’t think I should.”

“Maybe it would be good for you. She’s asleep and you could spend a little time with me.”

“I just don’t know if I should, David.”

“Come on Erica. You really should try.”

“David, I can’t. The only reason I’m here was because I was driving around, mad as hell at you for leaving me. For leaving me to come here and be with her. To help her. A little girl. I was so angry at you and at her, there’s no way I should even have a right to be up there.”

“I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry. I knew you were taking it hard. It’s just, I think it might be good for you to see her. Maybe just looking at her would make you feel better. Every time I look at her, I’m reminded of her mother dying, but then I’m reminded that she’s still here and she has a chance. That she can still have a good life.”

“So you think me seeing this little girl that you can’t stop talking about will help?”

“I really don’t think it could hurt.”

“Well okay then. I don’t want to stay long though.”

“You can leave whenever you want. I might even leave soon. Go home and get some sleep. Come on.” He said waiting for her to take a step towards him and walk with him to the elevator. They rode it up to the 5^th floor and walked down to where they were just a few minutes ago.

“Come on, it’s fine. I promise.” He said nudging her along with him.

“There are a lot of sick children in here.”

“I know. Only the best of doctors and nurses work in pediatrics. Many try but they just can’t handle seeing these little bodies in here. But this little one, there’s just something about her that makes your job worth doing.” He said as they were finally within view of the sleeping girl. “This is Danielle.”

“She’s so beautiful, David. A full head of dark brown hair, which you rarely see any children this age with. I assume her eyes are brown too?”

“I wouldn’t know. I haven’t seen them yet. You’re probably right though.”

“David, I don’t want to sound ignorant, but I’ve never heard you come out and talk about a patient like this before, at least to me.”

He sat down in the chair he fairly often occupied and pulled her down to sit on top of his legs. “I don’t think I’ve ever had a patient affect me like this. I’ve had some very heartbreaking experiences but none that have ever been reflective of my personal life. This is a first for me. But I’m glad you’re here to share this with me. I want you to see what I see.”

“I do. I think I see something in this little girl that I didn’t know I needed. I really do feel better. You said she doesn’t have any relatives?”

“None that we can find. Not even an aunt or uncle or grandparent. No one. She belongs to the state now.”

“How to you grow up knowing you never had anyone?”

“There has to be someone that would want to be there for her. I mean she’s had me by her side for days. I can’t imagine her not having some foster parents or adoptive parents.”

“Well all you can do is make her better. The rest isn’t up to you, though I love how you’re so devoted to someone you met only a few days ago.”

“It’s when you least expect it, that someone or something grabs a hold of heart. Kind of like you.” He said gazing from the girl to Erica’s eyes.

“Well I’m never letting go.”

“You better not. Come on, let’s go home. I’ll be back here tomorrow morning anyway.” He said kissing her on the lips. “Alright.”

Chapter 14

“How’s Dani doing today?” David asked one of the nurses in the PICU.

“She’s doing really good. I think she likes your wife.”

“Likes my wife? What are you talking about?”

“She’s been in there with Danielle for the last hour and a half.”

“She is? Are you sure it’s my wife?”

“It’s kind of hard to mistake Erica Kane for someone else.”

“Sorry, I just didn’t expect…she didn’t tell me she was here.”

“No problem Dr. Hayward, I understand. I guess this means you didn’t know she was here yesterday?”

“No. I didn’t. Thank you, nurse Matthews.”

“If you need anything else just let me know.” The nurse said before walking down the hall.

He walked slowly through the door to the PICU, watching Erica and Dani together. She was talking to the little girl but he wasn’t close enough to hear what she was saying.

“What are the two of you talking about?” He asked when he was almost standing next to her.

“Oh David, hi. We were just reading a few books. Having a little girl talk.”

“I guess no girl is too young for girl talk?”

“Of course not.”

“You didn’t tell me you were here.”

“Well I was on my way to see you, but I ended up here. I just got too distracted to call you.”

“And the other day? One of the nurses told me.”

“You were in surgery and I just figured I’d stop in and see her.”

“And now you can’t stay away? That’s how it’s been for me since that night.”

“Yes. I heard she’s being released tomorrow.”

“Da da.” The little girl said when she finally laid eyes David.

“Hey Dani. Yes she is. She is well enough that she doesn’t need to stay here anymore.”

“David, did you hear what she just said?”

“Yeah, she says that all the time.”

“She called you da da.”

“She doesn’t mean that Erica. It’s just all she knows how to say.”

“David I haven’t heard her say that, but when she saw you she said it.”

“You’re reading too much into a baby’s babble, Erica.”

“I know she doesn’t know what it means, but she associates that with you.”

“Okay, yes that may be true but there is something I wanted to talk to you about.”

“What is it? Is it about Danielle?”

“You could say that.”

“You said she was fine David.”

“She is. This is about the social worker. She came by here the other day and told me that she was being released to the department of child and family services and that they were putting her in a foster home.”

“Yes you told me this already, and that you were paying for her to stay here,”

“What I didn’t tell you was that I also told that woman that I…that I wanted to”

“Wanted to what David? You’re starting to scare me.”

“I didn’t want to see Dani be sent to a foster home. I’ve seen a couple cases with kids who come into the ER. Some are runaways who don’t want to be with their foster parents or some who have been bounced around to so many houses.”

“David, no one wants to see that happen to Danielle. She’s young. She could easily be placed with a long term family and she might not ever have to know she doesn’t belong to them.”

“Or she could end up like those kids I see here. For all we know, she could end up with a mother like mine.”

“I doubt that would ever happen David.”

“There’s only one way to know for sure that it didn’t.”

“Well I could put in a word or two. Or see if I can find a family for her.”

“Erica, I told the woman that I wanted to adopt Danielle.” He blurted out, no longer able to beat around the bush with her.

“David, you did what?”

“I know it sounds crazy and definitely not something I would ever do, but she knows me. I have money to take care of her and she wouldn’t have to be in the system at all. But we are married, so that means you would have to be with me on this. I know I should have discussed this with you before I even mentioned it to her, but I just kept thinking about her mothers’ words and I was holding her and she was looking at me. I didn’t even realize I said it until I did.” He said looking at her, unable to read her thoughts. “Erica, aren’t you going to say something?”

She hesitated, his statement as unexpected her as it seemed it was for him. “David, I love that you want to help her and I do to. But adopting a little girl and I assume take her home tomorrow when she’s released. It’s just not realistic. I know you promised to take care of her, but I don’t think her mother meant adopting her.”

“I knew this wasn’t a good idea, but I’m pretty sure I fell in love with that little girl in these last couple weeks. I know I shouldn’t even have asked because it’s only been a short time since we found out we couldn’t have a child of our own. I want you to know Erica that I’m not trying to fill that void with her.”

“I know you aren’t. I’ve seen you with her and I’ve heard from others how much time you’ve dedicated to spending with her. I did resent you for it, but then I saw her for myself and I realized she just grabs a piece of your heart. I just don’t think that it’s a good time for adoption though.”

“It’s the perfect time Erica. She needs someone, parents and we’ve wanted a child. If you don’t agree, I understand. I’ll do everything I can for Danielle if you decide we shouldn’t adopt her.”

“Do you really think we can do this David? Be parents to an infant we know next to nothing about.”

“Yes. And if we don’t get it exactly right it won’t matter.”

“Because our love is all that matters? Isn’t that what you’re supposed to say?”

“Something like that.”

“What if I don’t love her like I should? I can’t do that to her if she could find a mother that could love her.”

“You’ll be a great mother Erica. You care about her right? Whatever you give her will be enough.”

“You seem so confident about this David.”

“I’m scared Erica. Terrified that I could be responsible in every way for this little girl, but I’m all she has right now and that’s what helps me keep my composure.”

“Glad to know I’m not the only one. Do I need to sign somewhere?”

“The papers are at home. I thought we’d be having this discussion there.” He half laughed. “Does this mean…”

“If this is what you want, than it’s what I want.”