David wakes Erica with a kiss
Chapter 2
It seemed rather ironic that a silver tray used to hold his scotch served as a better mirror then the one that hung in his bathroom. Each time he'd gone to poor himself a glass in last two, three, four…he wasn't sure how many days anymore, they all seemed to run together, he'd caught sight of himself. If death had a face, he was sure it would look like him.
His hair was a mess. Matted and tossed on top of his head. He figured that's what days of running his fingers through it did. His eyes were red and bloodshot and laced with days worth of scotch. His face was lined with stubble, enough that he thought he'd wake up with the first makings of a beard, that was if he ever slept again. His shirt was the same black polo he'd been wearing since that day, it was the last day he gave a fuck what he looked like. He figured he probably couldn't keep this up, not eating or bathing and living on nothing but scotch, not that he cared. Death was an option he wouldn't turn away.
He squeezed his eyes shut, and blew out a deep breath as he mechanically and instinctively poured himself another glass of scotch.
The sound of knocking broke his thoughts a second later, the normally controlled and minimal sound, out of control and unbearably loud to his scotch soaked ears.
He knew who it was. He knew the way she knocked. The light sound of her knuckles against the cobbled wood. Her voice pierced through the door and slammed into his already burning ears. Her tone was low and sweet, the one she used when she batted her eyes and whispered her love, trying to get whatever it was she wanted from him. His stomach turned at the thought of her "love". He let out a strangled breath, shot the scotch he'd just poured, liquid courage or one last attempt to shield what was left of his heart. He poured himself another, needing the armor to face her, before he finally headed for the door.
She was standing there dressed in her best red dress when he'd finally pulled the door open. She'd curled her hair at the ends. Her smile was soft and her big brown eyes filled with a million different emotions as he watched her take in the sight of him. " Hi." She finally breathed.
" Erica," He ground out a few second later, one hand on the doorknob the other curled around his class of scotch.
" May I come in?" She asked, her voice cracking with hesitancy.
He shrugged, " Did you come for what's left of my heart?" His words were bitter and angry and he knew that they pierced straight into her own heart. He hoped she hurt half as much as he did.
" We need to talk."
" Oh?" He tossed back, " About what?" He asked his voice dry and emotionless, " You're having sex with Dimitri or your regretting our whole relationship?"
" David," She started, but he cut her off, his words falling out without his even thinking.
" You said all you needed when you were riding Dimitri in our bed, Erica." He told her, shifting his eyes up to meet hers.
"Can we talk about all of this?"
He didn't know whether he should laugh or cry, let her in or slam the door in her face. How could he love someone he hated so much? How could he want to take her in his arms and never let her go one minute, and shove her into the wall behind them the next? How could part of him be ready to forgive and the other part not even willing to hear what she had to say?" Just say whatever you came here to say." He spit out, raising the scotch glass to his lips. The copper liquor was bitter and tangy as it burned the back of his throat. He'd normally wince or squeezes his eyes shut, but any pain other then the throbbing pain of his heartache was a welcome addition.
" I do love you, David."
And there it was. The moment he'd knew was coming, the moment she'd finish off what was left of his heart. He wished he could make himself believe that she was lying, but he couldn't. She loved him, he saw it in those big brown eyes he'd so often lost himself in. And he loved her too, god help him.
" I'm sorry that I hurt you." She said softly offering him an apologetic smile.
His eyes slammed shut at her words, and he shook his head. Every time he closed his eyes he saw her with Marrick. He her heard her moans and cries of his name. He smelt the salty, tangy, sweet air of sex in his nostrils. And then he remembered the way his skin burned when he'd raised his hand to her. When he'd stood before her so angry he couldn't see straight and raised a hand to hit her. No matter what she said, or what she did, he'd never be able to lose those images. " What do you want from me, Erica?" His voice was gravelly and shook at the ends of his words, and his eyes opened to meet hers as he waited for her answer. Not that it mattered.
" I want you."
He let out a hard, heartbreaking gasp at that, all of his pain, love, betrayal and heartache slipping out in one desperate moment. " You didn't want me a few days ago." He tossed back, after he'd managed to pull his heart out of his throat and replace it with words.
" I didn't know what I wanted." She replied, " I was confused, and angry. I wanted to make you pay attention to me. Put me first. Make me the center of your world."
" You know why that can't happen." He told her with a quick shake of his head, " You know better the anyone why I could never make you my reason for existing."
"And I know why you're angry with me. Why you blame me for what's happened. But at the end of the day we both failed this marriage."
He cocked his head, and raised an eyebrow at her , "Of course, I didn't enjoy the sex with Dimitri nearly as much as you did." He tossed back, his voice dry and emotionless.
" You know what I mean," She told him shaking her head, " I didn't sleep with Dimitri because I wanted to."
He let out a dry laugh that was really more of a scoff, and narrowed his eyes at her, " I didn't hear you complaining."
" I shouldn't have turned to Dimitri. I know that. But what's done is done."
" Then why are you here?" He wondered again, raising the scotch glass back to his lips so that he could shoot what was left.
" Because I don't want to lose you."
" Ummm," He nodded, enjoying the burn of the scotch as it coursed over the back of his throat. " Really, and here I was under the impression that you're here because Marrick doesn't want to be with you."
" I don't want Dimitri."
He breathed another half scoff, half laugh and shook his head, " Could have fooled me."
" I don't want to go around in circles about this anymore David." She breathed, shaking her head.
" And yet you're still standing here refusing to admit that you did anything wrong." He shot at her, shaking his head.
" I said I was sorry."
" How can you be sorry, Erica," He half asked, half said, " You won't even admit that you did anything wrong."
" I'm not the only one in this marriage, David."
He laughed dryly, nodding. Of course she wouldn't cop to her part in where they were now. At least some things never changed. " I love you, Erica." He said suddenly, the firmness in his voice catching them both off guard." But I don't know what to do now." He told her honestly, shaking his head.
" Good, so lets put this behind us, move forward."
He laughed lightly offering her a dry smile, " I forgave you days ago."
She tossed him a soft smile in return and nodded, " Then that's a start. We can go from there."
" I love you." He told her again, his voice cracking as he looked deep into her eyes, " and I will always love you. But I close my eyes," He continued, his eyes sliding shut as he shook his head, " and I see you with him. I hear you say his name. I smell your skin, and sex, all around me. How do I forget that?"
" We go slow."
" I don't believe that's possible." He answered her honestly, " I don't believe that I can ever trust you again. That I could ever believe that you weren't cheating."
" You said you love me."
" And that's what makes this so hard." He nodded, " If I could stop loving you, I might be able to move on. But I will spend the rest of my life missing you."
" We can fix this." She nodded offering him a hesitant smile.
" I want that more then anything." He confessed, " But we don't always get what we want."
" You're being stubborn." She told him, shaking her head, "I'm offering you the chance to fix us, and you're rejecting it."
He shook his head and took a step, stopping just a breath from her. His eyes tipped down to meet hers, and he held her gaze. He raised his right hand, fingers open as he laid a palm against her cheek. He'd held her like this many times. He'd move in and kiss her lips if this was any other time, any other moment. " I'm sorry that I couldn't be everything you needed me to be, Erica." He breathed, his own eyes starting to fill with tears.
" Don't do this, David." She half said, half commanded
He knew if he closed the door on her offer to rebuild now, she'd never give him this chance again. He counted on it. " I have too." He nodded, before sliding his fingers down her face, her tears warm under his fingers. He kept his eyes fixed with hers as he stepped back and into the doorway, " Goodbye Erica." He told her eyes sliding from hers. He watched her open her mouth to protest, but he knew that anything else she might say would only make this that much harder. The doorknob was cold under his hand as he pushed it and started the door closing. He watched her the whole time. Watched the angry way her eyes flashed. Watched the way she shook her head and opened and closed her mouth as she searched for words to wound him with. Watched the walls that guarded her heart shoot back as her heart split into a million pieces. The same million pieces his were in on the floor of their bedroom. He blew out one last breath and pulled the door closed.
And so began the rest of his life, whatever that meant.
To be continued…
It seemed rather ironic that a silver tray used to hold his scotch served as a better mirror then the one that hung in his bathroom. Each time he'd gone to poor himself a glass in last two, three, four…he wasn't sure how many days anymore, they all seemed to run together, he'd caught sight of himself. If death had a face, he was sure it would look like him.
His hair was a mess. Matted and tossed on top of his head. He figured that's what days of running his fingers through it did. His eyes were red and bloodshot and laced with days worth of scotch. His face was lined with stubble, enough that he thought he'd wake up with the first makings of a beard, that was if he ever slept again. His shirt was the same black polo he'd been wearing since that day, it was the last day he gave a fuck what he looked like. He figured he probably couldn't keep this up, not eating or bathing and living on nothing but scotch, not that he cared. Death was an option he wouldn't turn away.
He squeezed his eyes shut, and blew out a deep breath as he mechanically and instinctively poured himself another glass of scotch.
The sound of knocking broke his thoughts a second later, the normally controlled and minimal sound, out of control and unbearably loud to his scotch soaked ears.
He knew who it was. He knew the way she knocked. The light sound of her knuckles against the cobbled wood. Her voice pierced through the door and slammed into his already burning ears. Her tone was low and sweet, the one she used when she batted her eyes and whispered her love, trying to get whatever it was she wanted from him. His stomach turned at the thought of her "love". He let out a strangled breath, shot the scotch he'd just poured, liquid courage or one last attempt to shield what was left of his heart. He poured himself another, needing the armor to face her, before he finally headed for the door.
She was standing there dressed in her best red dress when he'd finally pulled the door open. She'd curled her hair at the ends. Her smile was soft and her big brown eyes filled with a million different emotions as he watched her take in the sight of him. " Hi." She finally breathed.
" Erica," He ground out a few second later, one hand on the doorknob the other curled around his class of scotch.
" May I come in?" She asked, her voice cracking with hesitancy.
He shrugged, " Did you come for what's left of my heart?" His words were bitter and angry and he knew that they pierced straight into her own heart. He hoped she hurt half as much as he did.
" We need to talk."
" Oh?" He tossed back, " About what?" He asked his voice dry and emotionless, " You're having sex with Dimitri or your regretting our whole relationship?"
" David," She started, but he cut her off, his words falling out without his even thinking.
" You said all you needed when you were riding Dimitri in our bed, Erica." He told her, shifting his eyes up to meet hers.
"Can we talk about all of this?"
He didn't know whether he should laugh or cry, let her in or slam the door in her face. How could he love someone he hated so much? How could he want to take her in his arms and never let her go one minute, and shove her into the wall behind them the next? How could part of him be ready to forgive and the other part not even willing to hear what she had to say?" Just say whatever you came here to say." He spit out, raising the scotch glass to his lips. The copper liquor was bitter and tangy as it burned the back of his throat. He'd normally wince or squeezes his eyes shut, but any pain other then the throbbing pain of his heartache was a welcome addition.
" I do love you, David."
And there it was. The moment he'd knew was coming, the moment she'd finish off what was left of his heart. He wished he could make himself believe that she was lying, but he couldn't. She loved him, he saw it in those big brown eyes he'd so often lost himself in. And he loved her too, god help him.
" I'm sorry that I hurt you." She said softly offering him an apologetic smile.
His eyes slammed shut at her words, and he shook his head. Every time he closed his eyes he saw her with Marrick. He her heard her moans and cries of his name. He smelt the salty, tangy, sweet air of sex in his nostrils. And then he remembered the way his skin burned when he'd raised his hand to her. When he'd stood before her so angry he couldn't see straight and raised a hand to hit her. No matter what she said, or what she did, he'd never be able to lose those images. " What do you want from me, Erica?" His voice was gravelly and shook at the ends of his words, and his eyes opened to meet hers as he waited for her answer. Not that it mattered.
" I want you."
He let out a hard, heartbreaking gasp at that, all of his pain, love, betrayal and heartache slipping out in one desperate moment. " You didn't want me a few days ago." He tossed back, after he'd managed to pull his heart out of his throat and replace it with words.
" I didn't know what I wanted." She replied, " I was confused, and angry. I wanted to make you pay attention to me. Put me first. Make me the center of your world."
" You know why that can't happen." He told her with a quick shake of his head, " You know better the anyone why I could never make you my reason for existing."
"And I know why you're angry with me. Why you blame me for what's happened. But at the end of the day we both failed this marriage."
He cocked his head, and raised an eyebrow at her , "Of course, I didn't enjoy the sex with Dimitri nearly as much as you did." He tossed back, his voice dry and emotionless.
" You know what I mean," She told him shaking her head, " I didn't sleep with Dimitri because I wanted to."
He let out a dry laugh that was really more of a scoff, and narrowed his eyes at her, " I didn't hear you complaining."
" I shouldn't have turned to Dimitri. I know that. But what's done is done."
" Then why are you here?" He wondered again, raising the scotch glass back to his lips so that he could shoot what was left.
" Because I don't want to lose you."
" Ummm," He nodded, enjoying the burn of the scotch as it coursed over the back of his throat. " Really, and here I was under the impression that you're here because Marrick doesn't want to be with you."
" I don't want Dimitri."
He breathed another half scoff, half laugh and shook his head, " Could have fooled me."
" I don't want to go around in circles about this anymore David." She breathed, shaking her head.
" And yet you're still standing here refusing to admit that you did anything wrong." He shot at her, shaking his head.
" I said I was sorry."
" How can you be sorry, Erica," He half asked, half said, " You won't even admit that you did anything wrong."
" I'm not the only one in this marriage, David."
He laughed dryly, nodding. Of course she wouldn't cop to her part in where they were now. At least some things never changed. " I love you, Erica." He said suddenly, the firmness in his voice catching them both off guard." But I don't know what to do now." He told her honestly, shaking his head.
" Good, so lets put this behind us, move forward."
He laughed lightly offering her a dry smile, " I forgave you days ago."
She tossed him a soft smile in return and nodded, " Then that's a start. We can go from there."
" I love you." He told her again, his voice cracking as he looked deep into her eyes, " and I will always love you. But I close my eyes," He continued, his eyes sliding shut as he shook his head, " and I see you with him. I hear you say his name. I smell your skin, and sex, all around me. How do I forget that?"
" We go slow."
" I don't believe that's possible." He answered her honestly, " I don't believe that I can ever trust you again. That I could ever believe that you weren't cheating."
" You said you love me."
" And that's what makes this so hard." He nodded, " If I could stop loving you, I might be able to move on. But I will spend the rest of my life missing you."
" We can fix this." She nodded offering him a hesitant smile.
" I want that more then anything." He confessed, " But we don't always get what we want."
" You're being stubborn." She told him, shaking her head, "I'm offering you the chance to fix us, and you're rejecting it."
He shook his head and took a step, stopping just a breath from her. His eyes tipped down to meet hers, and he held her gaze. He raised his right hand, fingers open as he laid a palm against her cheek. He'd held her like this many times. He'd move in and kiss her lips if this was any other time, any other moment. " I'm sorry that I couldn't be everything you needed me to be, Erica." He breathed, his own eyes starting to fill with tears.
" Don't do this, David." She half said, half commanded
He knew if he closed the door on her offer to rebuild now, she'd never give him this chance again. He counted on it. " I have too." He nodded, before sliding his fingers down her face, her tears warm under his fingers. He kept his eyes fixed with hers as he stepped back and into the doorway, " Goodbye Erica." He told her eyes sliding from hers. He watched her open her mouth to protest, but he knew that anything else she might say would only make this that much harder. The doorknob was cold under his hand as he pushed it and started the door closing. He watched her the whole time. Watched the angry way her eyes flashed. Watched the way she shook her head and opened and closed her mouth as she searched for words to wound him with. Watched the walls that guarded her heart shoot back as her heart split into a million pieces. The same million pieces his were in on the floor of their bedroom. He blew out one last breath and pulled the door closed.
And so began the rest of his life, whatever that meant.
To be continued…
